In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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