I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
