opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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