Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
