Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
