I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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