It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
