i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
