Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i came on her dog
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is my gift to your gina
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
