my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
