do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
