But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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