a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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