Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
