Define "chronic" masturbator.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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