I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
