Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
