Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
