You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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