we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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