I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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