I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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