We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
