Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
