I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
