Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Your dad touched me again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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