What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
