so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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