Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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