im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
