I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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