When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
