My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There r osticjed everywhere
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
