we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
