your room smells of hookers.
And success
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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