yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
