STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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