hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
