I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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