Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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