so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
