I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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