I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
