I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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