lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
