are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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