He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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