I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
