I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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