God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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