don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
