she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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