An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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